Facebook Pie

     (Apologies to Don McLean)

A long, long time ago
I can still remember how
Facebook would make me smile
And I hoped I could find a way
That I could make somebody's day
And maybe they'd be happy for a while

But then the site would make me shiver
With every meme it would deliver
Sad news on my laptop
I always hoped it would stop

I don't know when I felt the need
To get a handle on my feed
Seems like it went all to seed
The day that Facebook died

So why, why Mr. Zuckerburg, why?
I'd like to fix it 'cause I miss it but I'm just a small fry
And monetization is what makes it all fly
Maybe this'll be the day Facebook dies
This'll be the day Facebook dies

Did you write the Book of Face
And did you take over from MySpace?
You got a massive market share
Of online traffic in the Cloud
I'll bet you must have felt so proud
As we all looked for friends who were out there

And as we would reconnect
Your algorithms would inspect
The traffic we'd all drive
Oh, we all made Facebook thrive

We shared our stories and our jokes
With our old friends and some random folks
It was before the world got woke
The day that Facebook died
We started singing

Why, why Mr. Zuckerburg, why?
I'd like to fix it 'cause I miss it but I'm just a small fry
And monetization is what makes it all fly
Maybe this'll be the day Facebook dies
This'll be the day Facebook dies

Now, for ten years we've been sinking fast
I guess it was too good to last
But that's not how it used to be
When we started playing silly games
Whose object was to collect more names
I guess we never thought we'd see

That while we all had looked away
Politics had come to stay
As people shared their memes
We formed opposing teams

And instead of finding common ground
We argued talking points around
And round and round and round
The day that Facebook died
And we were singing

Why, why Mr. Zuckerburg, why?
I'd like to fix it 'cause I miss it but I'm just a small fry
And monetization is what makes it all fly
Maybe this'll be the day Facebook dies
This'll be the day Facebook dies

Helter skelter in the online swelter
We all looked everywhere for shelter
And sometimes took a break offline
But then we would never know
If something happened to our Uncle Joe
We're expected to check our feeds all the time

So then we'd begin again
Despite ourselves we'd get sucked in
The algorithm strikes
And we're right back in the fights

And as advertising filled our feeds
Creating artificial needs
We couldn't cut through all the weeds
The day that Facebook died
So we were singing

Why, why Mr. Zuckerburg, why?
I'd like to fix it 'cause I miss it but I'm just a small fry
And monetization is what makes it all fly
Maybe this'll be the day Facebook dies
This'll be the day Facebook dies

So Mark be nimble, Mark be quick
Mark hired engineers to trick
Us into clicking more and more
But human nature played its part
The darkness was in the human heart
We don't even know what we're doing it for

And when elections take center stage
My hands are clenched in fists of rage
I watch my friends all fight
And as day turns into night

We all think the other guy got owned
But ugliness is all we've shown
I wonder if we all had known
We would have let Facebook die
But we keep singing

Why, why Facebook users, why?
I'd like to fix it 'cause I miss it but I'm just a small fry
And monetization is what makes it all fly
Maybe this'll be the day Facebook dies
This'll be the day Facebook dies

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
She just smiled and turned away
I turned my trusty laptop on
To see if the magic was all gone
If the promise had been finally betrayed

And on the screen the people screamed
The memes would mock, a few still dreamed
But too many words were spoken
Our dialogue was broken

And the things that I admire best
Peace and kindness, thoughtfulness
Have all collapsed in malicious jest
The day that Facebook died
And I'm still singing

Why, why Facebook users, why?
I'd like to fix it 'cause I miss it but I'm just a small fry
And monetization is what makes it all fly
Maybe this'll be the day Facebook dies